Our company was fortunate to have Joe Beam the marriage guru come speak to us the other day. He’s a great speaker and had some very inspiring things to say. My wife and I went through Joe’s Family Dynamics class back in 2007. Now after 17 years of marriage, that class was one of the best things we’ve done.
Let’s face it. Marriage is tough. Some people see marriage as 50/50 give and take, but I see it as 100/100. You give 100% of yourself, and if things go well, your spouse gives you 100% of themselves back to you. Marriage is built on putting the other persons needs before your own. If that sounds a little idealistic, its because it is. I like to believe that I’m a great husband and put my wife first in everything, but in truth. I’m pretty selfish.
I’m very active and driven. My wife is very passive. We’re opposites. I prefer to always be doing something. She prefers a much slower pace, but with six kids, slow isn’t in our vocabulary. Overtime, all kinds of things can build up in a marriage that need to be flushed out. Unfortunately, many times couples fail to surface and discuss the real issues. My wife and I are very laid back when it comes to conflict. You could say we avoid conflict. I don’t go around looking for conflict, but I deal with it when I need to. My wife with her sweet gentle spirit, prefers to avoid conflict. This is what drove us to seek some outside perspective on our marriage.
Earlier this year, we made the commitment to see a marriage counselor, and boy are we seeing a marriage counselor. Averaging 1 visit every 3 weeks for almost 20 weeks. So how did we go from not seeing a marriage counselor at all in 17 years to deciding to see one so frequently? Well, that’s a very good question.
Essentially, we were stuck. Stuck with frustrations. Stuck with problems we hadn’t solved. Stuck with communications issues since I was okay with conflict, but it shuts my wife down. The list goes on. Stuck. Stuck. Stuck.
After a few visits, we saw a few small things you could call marital wins. Not big things, but just enough to make us think it was worth our time and money. Now being 20 weeks on the other side of our first marital counseling visit, I think it’s been money well spent. I’ve learned a lot about myself, my wife, and my kids. We’ve still got a long way to go, but we’re headed in the right direction.
If you’re stuck maritally, you might try a marriage counselor…but find a good one.
Other marriage resources
Book: When a Man Loves a Woman
Book: When a Woman Loves a Man