How to Survive Being Away from Your Family and Kids for Work

2017 has found me in a much different situation than anything I have experienced. I am 46, soon to be 47 in November, and I am for the first time working in a different state from where I live. My family resides in Franklin, TN while I am currently working in Salt Lake City, UT. Not exactly how I would have planned things, but it is nonetheless where I find myself. One thing I know for sure is that I am in the center of God’s will, and that is absolutely the best place to be no matter what the circumstances are. However, it does present it’s challenges, and there are many.

Beginning January 2, 2017, I started commuting from Franklin, TN to Salt Lake City, UT for my new COO gig with Financially Fit. In my previous position with Dave Ramsey, travel was very limited with only 2-3 trips per year. Now, I travel 2-3 weeks a month. Normally, I begin my commute early Monday morning with my lovely wife dropping me off at the airport around 5:30 AM. After a long week, she picks me up Friday night around 9:30 PM where we then finish off the evening with a rather late night out. With 6 kids at home from ages 5-17, it can be a little difficult to say the least. My wonderful wife has done an amazing job holding down the fort and keeping the insanity of our lives in balance…if there is such a thing with 6 kids. 🙂

As a husband, father and professional, this new lifestyle is requiring to me step up and adjust my game. Not to mention my new company is a startup which presents all sorts of challenges. The stakes are extremely high. Employees depending on my doing a good job…long hours of the startup. 6 little lives depend on me doing a good job as a father, and 1 amazing woman depending on me as well. Demanding? Yes. Challenging? Absolutely. Impossible? No.

So here’s how I’ve adjusted my parenting, husbanding, and professional game. I’m just beginning, but I’m happy with the results so far.

  1. Be Intentional. Whether its work, the kids or your spouse, be intentional. Don’t let any time slip away from you. When I’m home on the weekends, I start early and end late. Cooking Saturday morning breakfast with my girls. Yard work our projects with my boys. Campfires and smores. Taking the kids to school every morning and putting them to bed every evening. As soon as I get off the plane Friday evening, its spouse time. A late night snack, dessert or a movie, she gets my full attention. Whether I’m in Salt Lake City at work or in Nashville, focused intensity is the most important thing. My Salt Lake work schedule is typically 8:00 AM till 10:00 PM. I like it that way and I keep my life simple. No TV. No distractions. My Nashville schedule is a little different. Work starts at 8:00 and goes till 5 or 6, with a dinner and family break from 6-10, then the day closes out with a little work from 10-11. This week, I’ll be sending my first surprise “care package” home to the kids and my wife, being sure to leverage Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages in the notes and gifts I send everyone.
  2. Keep Life Fun. I’m probably more focused on fun family time and keeping life exciting that I ever have been. When I’m home, we’re always finding fun things to do on the weekends or during the week. Cooking together. Walking the neighborhood. Spring break to Salt Lake City for snowboarding. Family games like Mafia, Pokemon, etc. Anything the kids enjoy is fair game.
  3. Cut Back the Distractions. Since I am spending a lot of time in Salt Lake City, I want the time away from my family to count. I’ve chosen a simple lifestyle. No car. No TV. No frills lifestyle. It’s allowed me to keep my thoughts much more clear and stay more focused on productivity than every before. The clarity and direction I see now is extremely refreshing, and I’ve found it to help me be even more focused and productive when I’m at home with my family.

2017 has been an interesting journey so far and I have plenty to learn before I can say I’ve figured it out.

Leading Your Family. Loving Them Well.

Tuesday morning. Dropped the kids off at 7:58 just before the 8:00 buzzer. Whew! I was running late because the printer wasn’t working and my 13 year old son needed his homework printed. Quick lecture on printing it and having it ready the night before all while fixing the printer. Done. 3 kids waiting in the car…my girls 11, 8, 6. Yes, I have 6 kids. 3 boys. 3 girls. Ages 16, 13, 11, 8, 6, 5. Boy. Boy. Girl. Girl. Girl. Boy…who has his mom rapped around his finger.

I love my family, but I don’t think I’ve always appreciated them as much as I should have. I certainly didn’t show it. I married late…one month shy of 28…sometimes you have to wait on quality. 7 months later, my wife was pregnant with our son. The plan was to wait 3 years, but what the heck…time for a child. That was 1999.

Life is hard. Marriage is hard. Parenting is hard. Unfortunately, we don’t do a good job these days equipping our young marriages and young parents. While I grew up in a very loving home, my father wasn’t a great example of a leader in our family which doesn’t surprise me. He came from a broken home where he had to drop out of school in 9th grade to survive. As a young man newly married with a child, it did leave me on my own to figure some things out. After all, I hadn’t seen an example of how to do it right. Unfortunately, that’s not an uncommon story in today’s society.

As you might guess, I stumbled along for years. Neglecting and failing in many areas at home. I spent my time focused on work, my own projects, and distractions.

I guess it was around 2008 when I started to wake up. One day after my 35 minute drive home, I walked through the front door and said “Hi” to my kids who were sitting on the couch watching TV. They essentially ignored me, and I went on to my routine. Eat. Get the kids ready for bed. Go do my thing. A routine. A daily routine. A daily routine for years. However on that day, something was different. This wasn’t how it should be. If I was the father I should be, my kids would be jumping off that couch to meet me at the door. They would greet me with excited smiles and eyes. I needed to change.

So where did I start? Babysteps.

My First Step: Make My Kids My Primary Focus When I Arrive Home From Work
On your drive home, stop thinking about what you want to do after your kids are in bed. Think about what you want to do with your kids when you get home. Make your kids your focus.

Some starter ideas…
Sit on the couch, watch tv and hold them
Tickle them
Play hide and seek in the house (it’s so much fun!)
Ask them about their day
Flip them on the bed

It didn’t take long to accomplished my basic goal. Kids greeted me at the door. They smiled. They screamed. They jumped into my arms. That’s fantastic! Yet as I’ve learned after 6 kids and 18 years of marriage there’s so much more to being a parent…and a husband. Remember. Life is hard. Marriage is hard. Parenting is hard. There’s a secret to making it all work. Want to know what it is? It’s really very simple.

You have to be intentional. Kids don’t just turn into good kids. Kids don’t just turn into good adults. Marriages don’t just turn into good marriages and last. You have to be intentional. Ridiculously intentional.

So that was 8 years ago and here I sit, just 7 short months after separating from my job of 15 years. This life halftime has afforded me a much needed time to reflect on my life. During that time,  I’ve come to know my wife, my kids and my family in a whole new way…a deeper way. And I want to leave you with a few tips on loving your kids, your spouse and your family well.

My girls (11, 8, 6)

  • Put them to bed every night
  • Pray with them. Take Turns letting them pray. Pray over them: “God, I thank you for my daughters and how beautiful and smart they are. Please watch over them and keep them safe. Always remind them of how much you love them and I pray that they always tell you how much they love you and that they will never let anyone trick them into believing you aren’t real. We love you so much Jesus. Amen.”
  • Kiss and hug them goodnight. Tell them “I love you. You are so beautiful and smart.”
  • Play games…in house hide and seek, ball tag outside.

My boys (16, 13)

  • Go to their rooms. Hang out with them in their room.
  • Tell them goodnight…every night. Hug them. Ask them if they prayed. Make sure I pray with them at least occasionally.
  • Tell them how proud I am of them.
  • Tell them how much I respect them.
  • Wrestle them. Tell them how strong they are and how they can get stronger. Challenge them. They need to be strong to protect their family some day.
  • Encourage and challenge them to be their best.
  • Give them a book to read. (Recently gave my 13 year old a leadership book on Bear Bryant)
  • Play games…in house hide and seek, ball tag outside.

My boy (5)

  • Don’t let him get lost in the family.
  • Tell him how much you love him.
  • Hug him. Tickle him…a lot. Chase him…a lot. Swing him with a family member…a lot.
  • Play with him even when you don’t have time.
  • He’s not a morning person. Wake him up in a fun way (The woodpecker. They tickle worm. The spider with a pinching bite. The scratching, licking dog.)

My wife

Confession. I have not loved my wife well over the years. 2015 was a rebuilding year for us after 17 years of marriage. What began as trying 1 marriage counseling session turned into weekly marriage counseling for 6 months. It was worth it. It helped me to wake up and make some much needed changes. Everybody needs a marriage tune up once a year. I learned that from one of the greatest leaders in my life, Dave Ramsey.

  • Hold her…a lot. Kiss her…a lot.
  • Tell her and show her you love her…a lot. Tell her she’s beautiful…a lot. (Unfortunately, many women grow up not hearing this from their fathers. Men, this is a must. If you’re not doing it. Fix it. Your marriage will exceed your wildest expectations.)
  • Come up with amazing romantic nicknames…not the same stuff everyone uses.
  • Watch romantic stuff.
  • Establish a regular date night. We’ve done weekly date nights for 11 years. Although we’re not always able to stay on track, we’ve been faithful to our date night 80% of the time. Our budget is tight now, so we spend more time at the coffee shop together writing or reading.
  • Discover her love language and fulfill it every day.

A well run and lead family is the most amazing and fulfilling things I have experienced in my lifetime of 45 years. Why did I wait so long to get it together? It’s  not easy, but it is oh so worth it. Get it together. Be Intentional.

 

 

HALFTIME, A Life Journey

My fifteen year career with Dave Ramsey and the Ramsey Organization ended on May 2, 2016. It was a wonderful fifteen years, and while I was sad to see it end, it was time. It was a wonderful journey through which I learned so much. I met and worked with so many wonderful people, and I was able to work on so many amazing projects. It was such a life experience to walk with Dave as his company grew from 30 people in 2001 when I joined  to over 550 in 2016 when I left. Now it is time for a new season and journey.

Fortunately after following Dave’s teachings and principles for fifteen years, I am in a place where I can take my time in figuring out what’s next. Now at forty five years of age, it is a perfect time to begin a new adventure. Over the last four months, I’ve been focused on my family. I wish that everyone could enjoy time like this with their children.

I believe in God’s active hand in our lives. He’s here. All we need to do is seek Him out. During the last few months something interesting happened during this time as I began to meet with people and advisors. The book Halftime by Bob Buford kept coming up. If someone mentions a book to me once,  I take notice and write it down…sometimes I buy it…sometimes I read it. With Halftime, it happened four times over 3 months. Four different people in four different meetings over 90 days recommended I read Bob Buford’s Halftime. That’s never happened before, and it caught my attention…as it should have.

Interestingly enough, I had a copy of the book on my shelf at home…with a bit of dust on it. One of the many books I purchased with good intentions of reading…later…apparently much later. Tonight, I finished it. I wish I had read it 5 years ago. For this season of my life, reading it was perfectly timed.

So what was so good about Halftime that caused four people that I respect to recommend it to me? I’d like to do an indepth review of the book for you, but that would do you a great disservice. I will over you these highlights, for the rest, you’ll have to read it yourself to see what its become such a recommended and appreciated book.

Highlights

  1. Bob Buford offers a very strong Christian perspective on life, its importance, significance and value. Bob’s writing inspired me to seek and aspire for more dedication and value to Jesus and God.
  2. Bob faced some very difficult challenges in life. Challenges that would wreck many people. It caused him to draw closer to God and evaluate at a much deeper level the life that he was leading.
  3. He provided me with a great framework for this season of my life. Tools to evaluate where I’ve been and what I’ve learned. Tools to evaluate where I want to go with the rest of my life and how to get there.

I’ve recently started a new Super PAC, A Better America, and I will soon start a new non-profit, Take God’s Hand. I’m very excited about both of these endeavors and what the future holds, but I must admit there is doubt in my mind. Challenges ahead. Family financials. What sacrifices will be made? For me, Halftime was a very timely book. It challenged me to press forward, never give up, and to trust the God that brought me to this place. He has a plan and he’s equipped me for it.

 

Part of Leadership. Learn to Relax.

I’m an active guy. Slowing down is not something I do well. At work, I stay busy. At home, I stay busy.Even when I go on vacation, I don’t vacation. What is this “relaxation” you speak of?

So here’s a great example of what I’m talking about. I planned a family trip to Disney a few years ago. Nevermind the fact I erroneously planned the trip during one of Disney’s peak seasons, spring break. Let’s start with who was on this adventurous and daring trip. My wife. My sister. My 6 kids. My 60 year old mom and dad. My 65 year old mother and father in law. As if that wasn’t enough, our days started early and consisted of me with 1 kid on my shoulders and 1 on each hand. I had 3 kids by myself, while all the other adults had 3 between them. Why can’t they keep up with me? (I was a little oblivious to the fact I was toting four elderly grandparents through an overcrowded Disney park…turned out one of of them was coming down with an upper respiratory infection!)

While the mornings started early (6 or 7 am), the evenings ended late. After all, we’re staying at a Disney hotel, and I needed to use that extra hour they give you after the park closes. Most days, everyone else wrapped early, while I kept a few of the kids out till 12:00 or later. No wonder I was tired when I got back from my vacation! I believe I walked 8 miles a day!

Now things are starting to change. In the last several years, I’ve been blessed to have some wonderful friends come into my life who live a much different vacation lifestyle than I do. Now I’m learning to chill. I’m learning to actually sit on a beach and relax by a pool for longer than 30 minutes at a time. I don’t actually have to be doing something all the time! It’s freaking amazing!

Here’s a great relaxation tips article from one of my favorite blogs…LifeHacker.com.

Now, the reason for the timing of this post is that my wife and I just returned from Sandals Grande Resort in St. Lucia. It was an amazing trip and probably my favorite resort and vacation to date. Let me emphasize this was a “no kid” vacation. We didn’t take our kids, but even better there were no kids at the resort! Some parents may judge me for leaving my kids behind, but I really don’t care. I’ve earned it. Now, you shouldn’t feel guilty about taking a trip without your kids. It’s healthy for you. Our trip was a short one spanning Wednesday through Sunday. Keep in mind we have six kids, so 1 day away from six kids is equal to 3 days away from 2 kids.

My wife and I really enjoyed St. Lucia and Sandals, so I feel I owed them a shout out since they took such good care of us. Thanks Sandals! Hopefully we’ll see you again soon!

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Blogging Again

After taking a 1 year break from blogging, I’m back albeit with a different purpose.

The original reason behind my blog was to use it as a networking tool. I feel like I accomplished my goal. I used the blog as a calling card when reaching out to top tier business leaders. CEOs, CIOs, CTOs, CMOs and the like. Over the years, I’ve been blessed to make many connections, and I attribute many of those connections to the visibility I gained through my blog. One of my favorite achievements was the interview with Josh James while he was the CEO of Omniture. As a result of my blogging around the Omniture community, Gail Ennis, Omniture CMO, took notice and while attending the Omniture Summit, she afforded me the opportunity to sit in a room with Josh James. It was a fantastic experience.

Now in this next iteration of blogging, I hope to share thoughts and ideas that I’ve picked up over the years. Recently on a trip to Washington D.C., I was afforded the opportunity to visit Monticello, home of Thomas Jefferson and also to visit George Washington’s home. During those visits, I was able to get a glimpse into what allowed these men to become great leaders of our country. They spent much of their time learning, but they also spent much of their time spreading ideas via writing, letters and meetings. Now at 45, father of 6 children, 17 years of marriage, with a moderately successful career, I now hope to share a little of what I’ve learned so that someone may find it useful on their life’s journey.

3 Recently Read Books

I’ve recently tried to step up my reading. In doing so, I’ve been able to finish 3 books in the past week. Now, don’t think too much of me. If you were able to see my backlog of reading material, well, let’s just say any positive impression of my past weeks achievement would evaporate instantly. However, these 3 books are worthy of mentioning, and the fact that they are all very different subject matter made the past week very refreshing for me.

#1 When a Man Loves a Woman by James Ford Jr. – a short read that will help any husband or would be husband become the man his wife has always desired. I recommend this book to any husband who wants to make the most out of his marriage and is up to the challenge of becoming the man his wife has always dreamed about. It’s not rocket science, but reading this may make you realize how far short you have fallen of the man you should be.

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#2 20,000 Days and Counting by Robert D. Smith – a simple yet challenging and inspiring book about making the most of your life. Redeeming each and every day. I wish I could say there’s a simple 7 step plan to this book to take away, but every page of the book is challenging you about your view on life and not wasting it. Every day is a gift. I was particularly inspired by how Robert listed men throughout history and the number of days they lived. The things they accomplished with their lives were amazing. I’ve been inspired, and hope to use the rest of my days to their fullest.

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#3 The CIO Playbook by Nicholas R. Colisto – a wonderful read for anyone aspiring to attain or who has already attained a high level technology leadership role. A very thorough covering of the CIO role.

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Helping Orphans

A few years ago, I started feeling a pull to see how to help the more than 147 million orphans worldwide. In 2011, those efforts stepped up a few notches. This week, my wife and I have traveled to Phoenix, Arizona for the annual Together for Adoption Conference.

I’m eager to meet some of the 1,200 attendees, 40+ exhibitors and other ministries.

What’s Next
Leading up to our efforts to get our first graphic novel out for the Iota Soul project, we’ll be heading down to Lima, Peru to visit Robert Barriger’s church and orphan minisitry. While we’re down there we’ll be getting video, talking to the kids, and anything else we can do to help the children.

Lima Peru orphans

Donate to the trip…every little bit helps!

The Best Thing About Orphanages

If you’ve read my blog for any length of time, then you’ve realized that orphaned children are very dear to me. Some people have hobbies (and I have some of those), but over the last 2 years, I’ve spent a lot of my spare time researching and learning more about orphans and their struggles. Today I came across this interesting article by Richard B. McKenzie.

The Best Thing About Orphanages

by Richard B. McKenzie

Richard has written an enlightening article on the Wall Street Journal’s website. Richard was raised in an orphanage and does a wonderful job explaining some of the history of orphanages and how they’ve been vilified by modern society. He also mentions how children raised in American orphanages in today’s society often outpace their counterparts raised in foster care or normal society. Read the article – The Best Thing About Orphanages

World Orphans Outreach

I’ve been following Paul Myhill’s blog from World Orphans outreach. During these Christmas holidays he’s been doing something called “33 Days of Hope” where he’s featuring stories on different orphans each day to raise money. When I first started reading these stories, I must admit I was touched. Now after reading several of them, they’ve begun to impact me even more. It takes a while, but eventually you start to understand and feel a bit more of what these kids are going through out  in the world. It’s heart wrenching.

Today’s Story – She Used to Sell Her Body for Food Now Grace is Fed and Loved by Foster Parents

World Orphans - Paul Myhill

My Romantic Dream Vacation

Lately I’ve been trying to “up” my romance playbook. Sadly, I think I’ve settled into a nice 12 year married family rut. With 5 kids I guess that’s easy to do. Juggle work. Juggle home. Something has to give right? In my effort to rediscover the white knight that my wife thought she married, I’ve been doing a little brainstorming. I’ve relied on the weekly date night a little too long.

One of tools I’m looking to add to my arsenal is the weekend trip with the wife. We’ve done the bed and breakfast thing as well as a day trip down the Natchez Trace. Now I’m looking to up that with some other relatively inexpensive weekends. On my short list are…

Resources
Travel + Leisure

A Little History
Boston

New York – Ivy Terrace
New York – Abingdon
New York – Casablanca Hotel

Santa Rosa, FL – Water Color Resort
Yellowstone
Lodging


Dream Trip
If I recall correctly, I first became aware of Bora Bora after watching My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Now I’m just waiting to find a way to get there. 🙂

Bora Bora Lagoon
Four Seasons Bora Bora

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